Lunar Wanderings Episode 5: On Finding Your Purpose

A photo of seagulls on the background of a cloudy sky.
Image by engin akyurt

In my attempt to make Lunar Wanderings more accessible, I will be posting the episode transcripts as blog posts. If you stumble on the blog post first, but you prefer to listen instead, you can head on over toGoogle Podcasts, Spotify, Anchor,Apple Podcasts, Pocket Casts or on my podcast page.

Hey, it's Silvia here with November's episode of Lunar Wanderings. Lunar Wanderings is a space where we lean into the cosmic magic and weave new stories for ourselves about ourselves and this world. It is my joy to share with you this language that has resonated with me so deeply and allowed me to excavate the depths of my soul and reconnect with who I was put on this earth to be. It is my hope that by sharing myself and my journey, you're inspired or empowered to take on a journey of your own and realign with who you were put on this earth to be.

I hope that I find you well, whether it is your first time tuning in, or whether you tune in every month. I'm grateful. And I hope that this last lunar cycle brought you what you needed.

I can honestly say that this lunar cycle was pretty intense but insightful. I know I use that word for each lunar cycle, it seems. But the last Full Moon coincided with my own inner cycle and the beginning of my bleed, and some pretty significant revelations emerged from me listening to my body and giving it what it needed.

If you received my Monthly Musings, you'll know that I've finally found some real clarity around the space that I am cultivating with you, and through that rooting myself in the vision that I have for my life. And all of this was due to the inner inquiry throughout the lunar cycle, and I suppose the culmination of all the ones before. And I'm sure it will continue.

Honestly, I went into the lunar cycle not really knowing what would emerge but I had this feeling that it will be a significant one. If you listened to October's Lunar Wanderings you'll have heard me talk about reorientation and this is exactly what ended up emerging energetically without me really forcing it.

So here we are at the beginning of a new lunar cycle and I'm excited to be more conscious of the Moon's daily movements through the zodiacal constellations but also the other planets and their meeting points. I feel like each consecutive lunar cycle reveals something new about the energies but also the correlation and the relationship between the Moon and all the other planets that the Moon comes into contact with throughout the cycle. It's all field research, right, as my teacher calls it, and as my academic self recognises it. And it is something we all need to do individually for ourselves but also collectively because these energies are also universal.

Moon is the fastest moving planet, so to speak, even though it is not technically considered a planet. It is a luminary. And because it is the fastest moving wanderer, which is the Greek translation of the word planetes, it is these effects that are most likely to affect us on the day-to-day.

The Full Moon, as I mentioned, was intense. My own bleeding was approaching. I also learned about Lunar Returns and this was aligned with the Full Moon in Pisces, which is also where my natal Moon is. Plus all the recent Pluto activity made some old wounds and patterns reemerge. And that took me by complete surprise. I could not make sense of my own feelings because I thought I had healed that part of me. And then I saw the transits. And a lightbulb went off. So if the last month was heavy on your soul, know that you were not alone. But we are so much stronger and more resilient than we give ourselves credit for.

I have been reading Richard Tarnas's Cosmos and Psyche and in it he talks about the planetary archetypes. Something he wrote stirred in me. He was talking about the meaning of astrology. He wrote that it is not necessarily that the planets cause things to happen. Rather, there is an energetic correlation between what's happening with the planets and what's happening here on earth.

He says that "the celestial bodies and their cyclical patterns possess a symbolic significance that is reflected within the human sphere." And this to me represents the interconnectedness of life. We as humans are not separate from the universe, nor are we superior to other life forms. We are all one, from the same universe. I suppose the only difference is how conscious we are, how aware our minds are. But having a mind doesn't necessarily make us conscious either, you know?

Tarnas also talks about "a universal ordering principle." I refer to it as cosmic order, and within that cosmic order are we, humans. And within each one of us is our individual internal cosmic order, also known as a natal chart. We could argue that this chart then is the map for our lives, that it reveals our life's purpose, and we'll talk about that later on.

But, in order to read that map, we must be open to receiving it, to make sense of it, to feel into it, and to attune to it. It does not singlehandedly decide our life. We live in these physical bodies with our own minds that make choices. We are influenced by other external factors. In that sense, I see a birth chart as a rediscovery, a re-membering of who we were born to be. What is the seed, the intention, the purpose that lives within us? How can we unlock it?

But again, we need an open mind to unlock it. Astrology demands an open mind, deep inner trust, and lots of curiosity. It demands from us to get curious about what is beyond the physical realm and expand past our smallness. It requires deep self-inquiry and soul growth. And that to me is cosmic magic, the magic of weaving new stories, something I talked about last time.

Gary Zukev talks about this openness in his book "The Seat of the Soul." He says, and I'm reading directly from his book:

"When the physical environment is seen only from the five-sensory point of view, physical survival appears to be the fundamental criterion of evolution because no other kind of evolution is detectable. It is from this point of view that " survival of the fittest" appears to be synonymous with evolution, and physical dominance appears to characterize advanced evolution."

And so I believe that is why astrology is viewed as this woo-woo pseudoscience because we can't explain it from that five-sensory perspective that Gary Zukev mentions. We need to lean into our multisensory being but that means loosening our reign on our logical side a bit, which is not easy to do, right? I've seen that on myself and how sometimes I can be very black and white with certain things, or I need a concrete answer or explanation for something. And there may not be one. Yet, what we know makes sense.

As far as astrology goes, it works and I've seen it work not just on others but myself, especially the correlations between the planetary positions at some of the most crucial turning points of my life and the archetypal energy that they represent. My teacher Britten wrote a great article on that and I'll add the link in the notes section.

Anyway, I did have this ambitious goal to talk about Lunar nodes in this episode, which would go into these correlations, but I realised that it is still simmering, that my own latest personal Lunar Node transit, which has been really powerful and eye-opening, is still in full force and that means that I haven't quite extracted all the wisdom that I need to before talking about it all.

One of my intentions with these episodes is to talk about these things in a more practical way. And that's the Virgo in me who wants to be of service but in a way that gives you a tangible thing that you can take away from it and apply it to your own life and journey. But that day will come and I will have some practical lessons for you with regards to our Lunar nodes, which actually are not physical bodies in the sky. Rather, they are mathematical points.

In a way, this episode is linked to the nodes as more often than not, if you're familiar with the lunar nodes, the North node astrologically speaking is interpreted as the representation of our future. And I believe it is similar in Human Design as well. So today I want to talk about purpose and my own emotionally charged relationship with the word.

I want to start with a recent journal entry, which kind of started off this whole exploration of what purpose actually is. It was written on 17 October and it sums up a few points I will be arguing for in this episode.

Here's what I wrote:

"I've been thinking a lot about purpose and intention and having a vision. What it seems to come down to is that our intentions are the threads that run through our lives and ultimately ground us in our vision for our lives. Without a clear intention, we are simply meandering through life, seeking a fixed purpose that only takes us further from it. Life is a journey. The quest for a fixed destination does not exist. Even when we think there is a point that answers all our questions of what true happiness is, what our one purpose is, we keep moving the finish line. Therefore, we need to embrace life as a journey, and the purpose of or the intention for that journey is to live a life that is truly ours. The answers we seek are not out there. The answers are always within us, within our inner knowing. Therefore, our purpose is to trust our inner knowing."

So, in a true Virgo nature, let's dissect it. And hopefully, by the end of it, we will have put it back together in a way that will serve us.

In order to dissect it, this is my analytical brain here, we ought to define it. Or at least I feel like we need to define it. So what is purpose? What does it mean to have a purpose in life? How does one find it? Is it a fixed point one arrives at or can it change?

Cambridge dictionary says that purpose is "the reason for doing something." Merriam-Webster says that it is "the aim or goal of a person." Looking at the etymology of the word purpose, we find that the root of the word dates back to the 1300s meaning "intention, aim, goal." When we look at the Anglo-French word of "purposer" it means "to design," "to have intention or design." So we can see that the meaning hasn't changed but I think it is the meaning that we've given to the word that has changed. It is our attitude towards the word that has changed. Or maybe we're just giving too much weight to it in the sense that if we can't find our one true purpose, our life is not worth living. I don't know.

I feel like we live in a culture that is fixated on finding a purpose, and that tends to be directly connected to our level of happiness and satisfaction in life. To me, it has become such a charged word, something that is perhaps being overused or used in a nonchalant way or misused, even. Or used in a way that can induce anxiety. Enter "finding your purpose" into a Google search bar and you're faced with over 14 billion hits. You can even take a test that will help you find your purpose.

You click on the News tab and you're greeted with articles such as "9 Tips for Finding Your Life Purpose," or "Three Simple Ways to Find the Meaning of Life," or "Three Steps to Discovering Your Purpose." I think it is safe to say that we are a culture obsessed with finding our purpose.

But maybe that's the problem. Maybe we are so fixated on finding our purpose that we actually forget to live our lives and allow the purpose to find us, to emerge through our life journey. We force, we push, we resist, we rush around, and yet we forget the most important thing - being. We forget to be here and now in pursuit of this imaginary thing that we are so obsessed about and so eager to pin down. I feel like we tie our happiness to it but in the process forget to be happy.

I don't know about you but purpose is something that I have searched for all my life. I would always think of it as this point one arrives at and then my life would be complete. All the questions would be answered. I'd admire the people who were living their purpose but secretly I'd be jealous of them. Why can't I have a life filled with purpose? Why can't I be living a life that has meaning, that is my creation? "Life by Design" is a phrase I would hear constantly during my network marketing escapades. And yet, I struggled to design my life that would live up to this image I had of it.

I've realised something this past year. Purpose is not a fixed point to be found. It lives within us. It is us. But this noise-filled world makes it hard for us to hear our inner knowing, to hear these inner whispers that are eager to help us in living our purpose. Our daily to-do lists demand most of our time. There is always someone else's expectation to be met, someone else's opinion we need to consider. And honestly, it is easier to numb our senses with the millions of distractions that this modern world provides us than to tune in and listen to what we actually want our lives to be. It is easier to meander aimlessly than to take responsibility for our own lives. I know because that is what I have done for most of my life. Even though it has been one massive pursuit for that magical place where my purpose lives, I've also fallen into the trap of numbing my senses because that search filled me with so much anxiety and frustration.

And this is where I feel like I need to bring in the astrological element. It is not so much as astrology revealing our purpose but rather helping us hone in on our strengths and our unique gifts, and giving us the vocabulary to express it and feel into ways we'd want to utilise these gifts out in the world. It helps us highlight what's already within us but we've disconnected from it in our busy day-to-day lives.

Richard Rudds says that "The further we move from our essential nature, the more we and those around us suffer. And this suffering is vital to us. It keeps reminding us of the simplest path, the path of least resistance, the path that is naturally ours. It has been said that the hardest and the easiest thing in the world is simply to be yourself."

He also says that life will take us wherever it wants us to go. To me that makes me think of following my joy. There is no fixed destination, only the path I choose to walk right now. And when I trust in my inner knowing, I know that it will lead me to where I need to get to. This has been one of my biggest realisations, especially since my accident. The more I have tried to force an outcome or a direction, the less progress I seem to have made. The moment I let go of forcing it was the moment that life started to give me all these nudges and my task has become to follow them to the best of my ability. But we gotta be open to receiving these nudges and hear the whispers if we are to make this life truly ours.

In my journal entry, I said that life is a journey and that there is no fixed destination. But we humans like to think that we are moving towards something, this one place where all our questions will be answered, where we'll have everything we need. And in that pursuit we forget to enjoy the process, the journey that is our life.

It has taken me a long time to realise that. I've been wandering aimlessly for so long, desperate to find that one fixed destination. Realising that it does not exist has been such a load off my shoulders. I feel like I can finally just enjoy the ride. And that does not mean that I don't have goals or anything like that. It just means they are not my only obsession. That I am more open towards life leading the way rather than me forcing the way, if that makes sense.

I'm able to occupy the spaces in between the doing with more being. I'm able to follow my joy more and not feel like I'm missing out because I know what I value in my life. I can tune into my inner cycles and align with my energetic being instead of living in that constant hustle mode, in that constant need and urge to get somewhere where I think I'll be happy. Instead, I can just choose to be here now and lean into my inner knowing and trust my inner timing. And doing everything from a place of integrity.

I'm going to read another quote from Gary Zukev that summarizes what I've just talked about so beautifully. He says:

"When the personality comes fully to serve the energy of its soul, that is authentic empowerment. Every experience that you have and will have upon the Earth encourages the alignment of your personality with your soul."

Therefore, I am reframing purpose as trusting one's inner knowing and leaning into what Zukev refers to as authentic empowerment.

The answers we seek are always within us. Sometimes we just need that gentle nudge, that loving poke, that right question to guide us within. And that's the aim of Lunar Wanderings. That's been the aim of Lunar Wanderings since the beginning. And ultimately I want this space to serve you, to help you light your own path, and to courageously walk down that path, no matter how thick the undergrowth seems. Because you can trust your inner knowing. And that to me was the biggest lesson of this last lunar cycle. I realised that I can trust myself, that I can trust my intuition. That my inner knowing has the answers that I seek. All I need to do is tune out the noise and turn inward. And that's why journaling and aligning with cyclical living has been the most rewarding. I've slowly learned to trust myself.

It is available for you too. You already have the answers within. You already know what's out of alignment, and what's not working and what you need to do to realign, to reconnect, to remember. I'm just here to help you tease them out, to nudge you in the direction you feel the need to go at. To empower you to lean into the life that's truly yours. I'd love to hear from you to see how this all lands with you. What comes to mind when you think of purpose? How does it feel if you were to reframe it as trusting one's inner knowing?

Now, let's look at the energies for this lunar cycle that will help us do just that.

And if that's your first time listening, you might notice the Moon is in a different zodiac. That's because I use the visible sky to tune into these energies. This is known as True Sidereal Astrology, founded by an astrologer called Athen Chimenti who has an incredible YouTube channel and he has created a video of what True Sidereal astrology is. I'll post the link in the show notes. So check that out if you have no idea what I'm talking about.

So, the New Moon occurred on 4 November in between the zodiacal constellations of Virgo and Libra. I've been thinking a lot about Virgo recently, mainly due to digging deeper into my Sun and Rising Sign which are both in Virgo. I still very much see Virgo as seeking out refinement and practical solutions to problems and wanting to fix things and that is most often driven by this innate desire to serve.

Virgo is an archetypal energy that loves refinement and seeking out practical solutions to problems. Virgo wants to fix things and that is most often driven by this innate desire to serve. At the same time, it is through the service that Virgo refines his or her own being. Virgo is the searchlight, the magnifying glass, the queen of fine-tuning. This part of us is here to filter out the gunk and the unnecessary bits and connect the loose threads.

The Virgo in us is here to accept their wholeness. And that wholeness is the good, the bad, and the ugly. When we meet ourselves with acceptance, we are able to do the same with others — meeting them with love and compassion, and understanding. But that requires meeting our wholeness first. And that’s what we can learn from Virgo.

And then we have Libra. Libra is known for balance and harmony. Libras seek to keep the peace. They seek to balance the scales but do it in a way that is just. That often means compromise. It means detaching our ego’s want from its need. We all know that need and want are not always the same thing. What we want can be impulsive and reactive. What we want can be an illusion. Our actual need helps us connect to our wholeness. It helps us to flow through life with more ease.

As these two archetypes met under this New Moon, what did this encounter reveal to you? Where in your life do you need to balance out the constant fixing with letting it have a life of its own? What have you been trying to create that you’re afraid to put out into the world?

When we look at the New Moon’s hexagram, which in Human Design is known as a gate, the Moon will be in hexagram 44 and in line 6. Uncannily, it is called “He comes to meet with horns.” This is rather funny as the opposite zodiacal constellations for the Virgo and Libra New Moon are Pisces and Aries.

So we have the Ram that represents Aries, which represents new beginnings and the desire to jump right into doing. And we have the Pisces that is the end of an old cycle and the one that loves to dive deep underneath the surface. And then we have Virgo who seeks refinement and Libra who seeks balance.

With these opposites, we might feel some resistance here. We ourselves might be causing some friction. We might want to hold onto our comfort zone or stick to the illusionary safety that the willingness to compromise might cause. But sometimes we have to jump before we’re ready. We have to trust that we’ve done enough.

We are being called to let go of constant fine-tuning and allow space for exploration and transformation. This is the balancing act of the scales that this New Moon allows us to tap into. Sometimes it is in the doing that we find refinement and clarity.

So, whichever way we look at the symbols and the archetypes, maybe this New Moon is here to remind us that we can’t be in the refinement mode forever. That we can’t grasp onto things forever. There comes a point when we need to let go and put that thing out there, whatever that thing represents to us.

Balance is knowing when to let go, deciding that actually, this is good enough for now. And that does not mean that it is going to be like this for good. Just for right now.

I can say that for me the New Moon period brought some unexpected opportunities. It is useful to mention Uranus and Sun opposition here which means expect the unexpected. And to me, the choice I have been given was definitely that. So my journal has been hijacked by sitting with it all, allowing myself to trust that whatever needs to come of it and letting go of anything that I can't control. And a lot of acceptance around this idea that the vision we have for our lives may not always happen as we expect it or want it. That it will happen as it is supposed to. And this New Moon for me was a beautiful reminder of that. At the same time, I am excited to see how this all will play out.

The Waxing Quarter Moon on 11 November will occur towards the end of Capricorn. The most noteworthy astrological aspect I feel that needs mentioning is the Moon's conjunction with Jupiter. Whilst Capricorn is all about authority and structure, and I feel like I need to mention our inner authority here too, not just external. And the same goes to structure. This structure can be a boundary that we choose. Taking ownership and responsibility for our own actions, and maybe reactions, and to our own stuckness.

Jupiter is all about expanding our horizons and seeking freedom. You might remember from the October episode that when two planets are in conjunction with, they are supporting each other. They join forces so to speak. So this Aligned Action phase as I like to call it is all about getting real with ourselves and seeing where we are keeping ourselves stuck. Whose authority, whose structures are limiting our freedom? And what can we do about that? How can we lean into what we want more of in our lives and create boundaries that allow us to reach these new horizons? What's the freedom that we're seeking even? Is it something that we truly desire or is it imprinted on us by an outer authority?

The Sun in Libra will be square to the Moon and Jupiter. Square aspect can bring more challenging energy. But I like to think of it as a collaboration. They motivate each other through the struggle. I feel like the Sun will help us find balance in all that restructuring and expansion. Maybe it'll help us prioritise and not get lost in all the things all at once. After all, this phase calls us to take Aligned Action not cross off all the tasks that we need to do to get to that vision that we have.

I'm sensing a theme here, are you? Let's continue with the Full Moon.

This Full Moon occurs in the zodiacal constellation of Taurus, and in fact near the Pleiades cluster, also known as The Seven Sisters. And this Full Moon will be a near-total Lunar Eclipse also known as the Blood Moon, which unfortunately will be barely visible in the UK. And this next bit is fascinating. So basically a lunar eclipse is an occurrence when the Moon travels through the Earth's shadow, also known as the umbra. You might remember from October's episode when I explained the science behind the Full Moon and the New Moon. So Full Moon happens opposite the Sun's position, and the Earth is now in between the Moon and the Sun. But this time the Moon will travel through the Earth's shadow which is created by the Sun.

Connecting these dots between astrology and astronomy has been truly fascinating. I hope they are for you too! And that's what cosmic magic is - connecting the energetic correlation of the happenings in the visible sky with the happenings on Earth. Ultimately, this is how the ancient lunar wanderers and the star-gazer did it and this to me feeds into that interconnectedness between all of us and us and the cosmos. And I am excited to be enriching our modern life with these ancient ways, ultimately infusing the two.

Anyway, back to the Full Moon in Taurus. I know I went off on a tangent but Taurus is all about the natural world and being connected to the natural world. But it is also about our physical lives, our possessions, stability and security. Taurus is also the builder. There is a genuine need to be resourceful and to get productive results. And that is something I relate to very deeply since my 9th House is ruled by Taurus. 9th House is all about the higher knowledge, our beliefs and ideals. And so when we take the archetype of Taurus and put it into the 9th House, how can we combine these ideals and beliefs in a practical way that serves us on this earthly journey? So to me personally it is about combining the various elements of astrology and astronomy in a way that serves us, that serves our lives, that enriches our material lives, that adds this other dimension to it. I hope I'm making sense.

I find it rather fascinating that as these words are flowing out of me, Mercury, the planet that helps us make meaning is passing Spica, a star within the Virgo constellation that represents the gift of harvest and bounty. And this is ultimately what aligning with your inner knowing is about - what Rudd refers to as the path of least resistance. We just know the right words, the right actions. Effortless. Doesn't mean that life is easy but it becomes easier when we no longer force or resist. We simply flow with the energies. We allow these energies to pass through us.

The hexagram that this Full Moon occurs in is 8 - Holding Together, also known as Uniting, the Union. I suppose the ultimate union that we can be in is with life itself, with cosmos, with the collective. And since Taurus is the material world, we're being asked what is that union that we are committed to? What do we value in our unions on this Earth and with the Earth? And that is Venus, the ruler of Taurus. And if you look to the south, the south-west during the sunsets right now, you will see Venus shine bright right on the horizon. And when you look to the east during the Full Moon on 19 November or a day or so before, you'll see this Taurus Full Moon rising. And just above the Moon you can picture the Seven Sisters almost as if pulling up the Moon so that we can see into the shadows of our separateness.

Maybe this is the union we are called to honour - our interconnectedness, our union to this greater whole that we've been disconnected from, dismembered ourselves from for centuries. Richard Tarnas refers to this as reenchanting this world. So we can think of this Full Moon as a reunion between our physical being and our soul being. It's about asking the question of whether we are embodying our soul being in our physical bodies or whether the two were somehow disconnected somewhere. And if so, how can we realign the two?

How's that for an Aligned Pause in between the doing?

And finally the Waning Quarter Moon that will occur in Leo, near the Fixed Star called Regulus. Waning Quarter is all about bringing things to completion and surrendering to whatever needs to come through. It is a time of rest and reflection. A time to take stock of the lessons of this lunar cycle. What's emerging? What has been the lesson for you? What are you being called to readjust when the next cycle comes around?

The Moon is now opposite Jupiter as it has moved to the other side, nearing the Sun again as this cycle draws to a close. You might recall that during the Waning Quarter, the Moon was next to Jupiter but as the phase draws on, the Moon has moved on. So now with Jupiter opposite the Moon, maybe we are being called to surrender to the flow, to trust our inner knowing that the expansion we're looking for will make itself known to us in time. That we don't have to force things. That rest is part of the process. Letting this vision that we have to simmer a little bit.

With the Moon forming another square aspect with the Sun, but this time it is on the other side. So when the Waning Quarter is asking us to take Aligned Action towards that vision, we're now being asked to take a look at it and see what lessons emerge. What worked and what didn't? Where can we lean into the flow of life a bit more next time?

The more I am finding clarity around my vision for this physical life, the more I am seeing the benefit, or mutual receptivity with the lunar phases and aligning with it. It has become a rather invaluable tool to root myself in that vision and hold myself accountable for what I truly value in this life, and consciously show up for it. A vision is not enough. We need to consciously choose to live by it. And this is something I journaled on recently as well. This idea is that we need to reach a certain fixed destination to live our vision. That's not necessarily true. We can choose to live by it right now. It may not be exactly how we envision it but can take the smallest of steps that we can to be rooted in it and to live according to it. I feel like this lunar phase is here to teach us that. That it doesn't have to be perfect. That we can accept it as it is right now but that doesn't mean that it will stay like that. If anything, we can rely on change.

And so I want to finish this episode with words that resonated with me deeply in October. And these are lyrics from a song called "Funeral for my Past" by Liz Longley, a song that made it into my monthly playlist for a wandering creative. This is something that I share in my Monthly Musings on Building a Slow Creative Life - a behind-the-scenes look at rooting yourself in your vision and a monthly toolkit for embodying that vision. Anyway, I hope they'll bring you a sense of relief and resolution as it did for me.

Thank you for listening! Here goes:

I held a funeral for my past today

Laid it in the ground where it's meant to stay

With the roots, the dirt, pain and the hurt

I held a funeral for my past today

I got down on my knees, dug up a mighty grave

Made room for all the darkness, the anger & the shame

So deep it never haunts me, gone forever and always

I held a funeral for my past today

So come gather round, what will you lay to rest?

Whatever kills you slowly, don't give it one more breath

Let it go, let it be, let it rest here in peace

Lay it down at the funeral for your past today

Til next time. Take care!